lol

and if i die in debt, it all just disappears, right? so i'll borrow twenty million i know i can keep this shit run airtight and i can make it up because i will not be afraid whoa-oh fuck my kids anyway feel free to stay in bed for the rest of your life there's no need to fight once you admit it's real, you're one step closer to failing now you're waiting for the bus in august and godspeed you it's fucking hailing honestly i'll starve to death in the street it was my choice now it's my responsibility that probably won't happen but maybe it should if i borrow enough, can i change my station? i'm sure that i can work it off cause the terror is strong motivation enough to protect the next two or three generations of the bloodline provided i selfishly give in to instinct and move past mutual masturbation they've said that there's a place for when you get old don't trust the things you're told the pressure of the bet is too much, fold your hand ashamed as people tell you you're a coward cause they all wish they'd do the same they'll get you desperate, then you'll wanna be a rube that's when they'll make their move you'll stay polite once you're back up on your feet as you barely make ends meet yeah, you'll barely make ends meet

frankly and i'm flattered it just seems like it's not fun for you to be enamored in something that you can't control feeling comes on latent and if i squint hard i can see something romanticizable in me just like back in the day so let the record show this could be heaven and we'd never know if we don't give it a go but it's the very same with everyone you know so it doesn't mean anything at all gestures come on too strong come on blatant "come on eileen" sweet sentiments are the rounded up versions of what we really mean so come a little closer then you'll get it then you'll see i'm the jagged rocks you throw yourself against to get your body in the sea and we've been overstimulated so you've got standards to live up to and once you meet them i'll hate myself for it it'll be so pretty though apparently it's all i can do mutually-assured self-destruction my brain has been fucked from birth by things i cannot identify i do not know how to empathize only how to self-punish when i get the things that i want and i think it's probably awful in a million ways that the world's greatest ethicist could only describe and i'm left with this absence of feeling inside but it's not complete not enough to subside any lasting thought that i'd thrown away the one chance that i ha- FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU springtime imprint me on someone please give me a codependent identity on some pretty lady or some pretty boy give me somebody to shape as my own then destroy so just come over let's do it now get out

closing down the coffee shop micheal buble lead us out to white lights in parking lots at shopping malls warm air blow in from the south march provide me all the restlessness while you still can't go outside kids who are too poor to like their breaks fester in like something's died and you should know your friend and i don't talk anymore you should know the subject is still pretty fucking sore we wasted all our time we wasted our whole lives all through the night all of our time the wheels are spinning way too fast hold on tight before these things become unreal all the advice that you give me is too hard to take i'll never let you keep me from falling in the next mistake again

it's somebody somewhere's birthday so happy birthday whoever you are i stole that line from an oracle who was pumpin from a radio in 2004 and when the sky turned black and grey the kids all ran away back into the motel to rent videos july mornings at a manmade lake somewhere in saskatchewan some watering hole and somewhere there's a better place i wouldn't put money on it but it's more home than here we'll be perfect, we'll be in shape we won't be scared to be cliches at least not any more and now you're 17 years old you're beautiful, you're egoless you've got the time to work out all your shit without the strain you're allowed, and you can be all emotion all the time and you can't buy cigarettes to fight your hunger pains unless you're a cute girl or a friend of cute girls we're all basically cute girls anyway you've got all these ideas they're all blatant fuckin ripoffs yet somehow you feel like they're ok cause you haven't had a thought of your own to break through and make things ambiguous yet so when i come into work don't treat me like i'm stupid i'm just sad, you'll have a reason soon too, i bet because THERE ARE BETTER DAYS COMING I SWEAR AND I DON'T WANNA SEEM LIKE I DON'T CARE AND I DON'T WANNA SEEM LIKE I DO I DON'T WANNA LOOK LIKE ANYTHING MAKE ME ONE WITH EVERYTHING AND PUT ME BACK IN MY OWN SHOES SHOES